We’ve all been there--that is, in the living room of family friends who invited you over, without mentioning that it would include a lengthy performance by Susie, their four-year-old Brittany Spears wanna be daughter, who, might I mention can’t carry a tune to save her life.
You awkwardly sit on the plaid sofa and watch as she attempts to belt out ‘Baby One More Time’ and ‘Crazy’. Although the general consensus is that death-by-boredom is an inevitable result of this performance, her parents do not share the sentiment; they, utterly absorbed in their prodigal daughter’s performance clap and cheer, totally indifferent to your suffering.
Hours later, as you leave their house, you vow never to return, at least not until Susie has been sent off to college, and probably not even then.
It wasn’t always like this though; parents used to stop kids before hour three of their concert and they rarely fostered serious ideas that pop star was a realistic career choice. This was a time before hand-sanitizing gels ran rampant in playgrounds and violin lessons trumped having fun.
In the past few decades, overparenting, as noted by the one Psychology Today article by Hara Estroff Moarano, is on the rise, resulting in neurotic parents and a fragile, unstable youth; we are, in all senses of the word, becoming ‘a nation of wimps’.
The effects of this can be found in all facets of child life; school, play and home. “Parents and school are no longer geared toward child development, they’re geared to academic achievement,” child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University, said¾ and it’s true! (Moarano, 61) This can be seen in situations such as the girl that was diagnosed with ‘difficulty with Gestalt thinking’, who essentially ‘couldn’t see the big picture‘. (Never mind the fact Piaget’s stages of cognitive development show that the formal operational stage, in which a person develops abstract reasoning, does not come until around that time.) (Myers, 128)
It is simply the idea that such overprotective parents would take their child in to be tested for this that illustrates the power of overparenting. Now, Gestalt-deficiency girl will not have to take a timed SAT, or any other timed test for that matter. The effects that this will have on her long-term self esteem are yet to be seen, and theories of what will happen to her are mixed, but whatever does result will be from a disgustingly privileged vantage, thus tainting her forever.
This isolated case is not the only instance of wimpifying, though. Throughout schools, inflated grades and decreased expectations have come to increase the self esteem of children everywhere. (Moarano, 62) And while it is known that having a high self-worth is positively correlated with individuals who are less likely to succumb to pressures of conformity, less likely to use drugs, are persistent at difficult tasks, are extraverted and are simply happier, an inflated sense of self-esteem can be detrimental. (Myers, 514) “Kids need to feel badly sometimes,” Elkind said. “We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope.” (Moarano, 61)
Several researchers from the ’90s worked hard to combat parents’ need to artificially inflate the self-worth of their children. They doubted that self-esteem was “’the armor that protects kids’ from life’s problems”. The sixth edition textbook of Psychology states, “Maybe self-esteem is a gauge that reads out the state of our relationships with others. If so, isn’t pushing the gauge artificially higher akin to forcing a car’s low fuel gauge to display ’full’? And will the best boost of self-esteem therefore come not so much from our repeatedly telling children how wonderful they are as from their effective coping and hard-won achievements?” (Myers 515)
More than this, artificially-inflated senses of self have proved to be dangerous in some cases. In the 1998 experiment conducted by Brad Bushman and Roy Baumeister, people with unrealistically high senses of self-esteem were reported to be “exceptionally aggressive”. The researchers concluded that “threatened egotism”, not low self-esteem, is what predisposes aggression, and people with excessive self-regard are prone to excessive risks. (Myers, 517)
Many have tried to tackle the ills of the scholastic system in support of this idea, opposing grade inflation and promoting a high standard of achievement. For example, in 2001, 94 percent of college seniors graduated with honors, and primary schools and high schools are ’arguably just as guilty of grade inflation’. (Moarano, 63-64)
The reason for these inflated senses of ability stem from the need to preserve one major psychological concept¾ self-serving bias, or the readiness to perceive oneself favorably. (Myers, 516) Through the lowered bar of academics, it is important everyone succeeds and their self-concept stays high.
Also, in this idea that school trumps all and everyone is capable of achieving straight As, has come the promotion of individualism, or the giving of priority to one’s own goals over group goals and defining one’s identity in terms of personal attributes rather than group identifications. (Myers, 517) A Nation of Wimps blames Dr. Seuss for this; books like Oh, the Places You’ll Go! create false senses that children can do anything successfully, without even the threat of failure. (Moarano, 64) However, when the harsh realities of life hit overparented, wimpy children, the results prove to be devastating. (Moarano, 62, 66)
You awkwardly sit on the plaid sofa and watch as she attempts to belt out ‘Baby One More Time’ and ‘Crazy’. Although the general consensus is that death-by-boredom is an inevitable result of this performance, her parents do not share the sentiment; they, utterly absorbed in their prodigal daughter’s performance clap and cheer, totally indifferent to your suffering.
Hours later, as you leave their house, you vow never to return, at least not until Susie has been sent off to college, and probably not even then.
It wasn’t always like this though; parents used to stop kids before hour three of their concert and they rarely fostered serious ideas that pop star was a realistic career choice. This was a time before hand-sanitizing gels ran rampant in playgrounds and violin lessons trumped having fun.
In the past few decades, overparenting, as noted by the one Psychology Today article by Hara Estroff Moarano, is on the rise, resulting in neurotic parents and a fragile, unstable youth; we are, in all senses of the word, becoming ‘a nation of wimps’.
The effects of this can be found in all facets of child life; school, play and home. “Parents and school are no longer geared toward child development, they’re geared to academic achievement,” child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University, said¾ and it’s true! (Moarano, 61) This can be seen in situations such as the girl that was diagnosed with ‘difficulty with Gestalt thinking’, who essentially ‘couldn’t see the big picture‘. (Never mind the fact Piaget’s stages of cognitive development show that the formal operational stage, in which a person develops abstract reasoning, does not come until around that time.) (Myers, 128)
It is simply the idea that such overprotective parents would take their child in to be tested for this that illustrates the power of overparenting. Now, Gestalt-deficiency girl will not have to take a timed SAT, or any other timed test for that matter. The effects that this will have on her long-term self esteem are yet to be seen, and theories of what will happen to her are mixed, but whatever does result will be from a disgustingly privileged vantage, thus tainting her forever.
This isolated case is not the only instance of wimpifying, though. Throughout schools, inflated grades and decreased expectations have come to increase the self esteem of children everywhere. (Moarano, 62) And while it is known that having a high self-worth is positively correlated with individuals who are less likely to succumb to pressures of conformity, less likely to use drugs, are persistent at difficult tasks, are extraverted and are simply happier, an inflated sense of self-esteem can be detrimental. (Myers, 514) “Kids need to feel badly sometimes,” Elkind said. “We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope.” (Moarano, 61)
Several researchers from the ’90s worked hard to combat parents’ need to artificially inflate the self-worth of their children. They doubted that self-esteem was “’the armor that protects kids’ from life’s problems”. The sixth edition textbook of Psychology states, “Maybe self-esteem is a gauge that reads out the state of our relationships with others. If so, isn’t pushing the gauge artificially higher akin to forcing a car’s low fuel gauge to display ’full’? And will the best boost of self-esteem therefore come not so much from our repeatedly telling children how wonderful they are as from their effective coping and hard-won achievements?” (Myers 515)
More than this, artificially-inflated senses of self have proved to be dangerous in some cases. In the 1998 experiment conducted by Brad Bushman and Roy Baumeister, people with unrealistically high senses of self-esteem were reported to be “exceptionally aggressive”. The researchers concluded that “threatened egotism”, not low self-esteem, is what predisposes aggression, and people with excessive self-regard are prone to excessive risks. (Myers, 517)
Many have tried to tackle the ills of the scholastic system in support of this idea, opposing grade inflation and promoting a high standard of achievement. For example, in 2001, 94 percent of college seniors graduated with honors, and primary schools and high schools are ’arguably just as guilty of grade inflation’. (Moarano, 63-64)
The reason for these inflated senses of ability stem from the need to preserve one major psychological concept¾ self-serving bias, or the readiness to perceive oneself favorably. (Myers, 516) Through the lowered bar of academics, it is important everyone succeeds and their self-concept stays high.
Also, in this idea that school trumps all and everyone is capable of achieving straight As, has come the promotion of individualism, or the giving of priority to one’s own goals over group goals and defining one’s identity in terms of personal attributes rather than group identifications. (Myers, 517) A Nation of Wimps blames Dr. Seuss for this; books like Oh, the Places You’ll Go! create false senses that children can do anything successfully, without even the threat of failure. (Moarano, 64) However, when the harsh realities of life hit overparented, wimpy children, the results prove to be devastating. (Moarano, 62, 66)
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