Friday, April 17, 2009

The importance of being invisible

If I have had one superpower over the past 12 years of school, it has been invisibility. When I walk down the hallways, nobody notices me and when I enter the room there are no repercussions. There's no hiding it, I'm not spectacular or dazzling and I don't command respect; these are qualities that I have honed throughout my entire lifetime.
I used to want all the attention in the world, and I went to great lengths to get it; I was a self-proclaimed eccentric. However, if my progression through high school has taught me one thing, it is the importance of blending in.
This may seem depressing, and as though I have given up on life or something, but it's the truth, and I am very happy with this realization. The fact that I have gained the ability to be satisfied with myself, no matter what others think of, has been much more fulfilling than anyone the feedback of anyone else.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Red said, "Watch out!"

What is Red? Author: Unknown
Red is a sunset
Blazing and bright.
Red is feeling brave
With all your might.
Red is a sunburn
A spot on your nose.
Sometimes red, is a red red rose.
Red squiggles out when you cut your hand.
Red is a brick
And the sounds of a band.
Red is hotness
You get inside
When you’re embarrassed
And want to hide.
Fire-cracker, fire-engine
Fire-flicker red –
And when you’re angry
Red runs through your head.
Red is an Indian
A Valentine heart,
The trimmings on
A circus cart.
Red is a lipstick
Red is a shout
Red is a signal
That says, “Watch out!”
Red is a great big
Rubber ball.
Red is the giant-est
colour of all.
Red is a show-off,
No doubt about it –
But can you imagine
Living without it?
Red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red.
Yeah, red is a tite color, let's take a look at some of the fabulous things that flaunt this color. Red is...

...the color of beauty and love, expressed through the elegance of a simple rose.
...Chippendales, whoops did I say that? I meant a has-been group of Mexican Vegetables (they go by the Red Hot Chilly Peppers). And yes, this was the least racy picture I could obtain from the Internet because their posters are basically soft core porn or something, it's basically a problem.
...energy; speed-addicts can't use drugs ALL the time, they need other, cherry-flavored fixes sometimes to get their wings.
...the color of parties, or at least what constitutes as a party when you're 94, which is apparently dressing up and sleeping.
...nourishment, sure these tomatoes look like bug-infested shit, but they provide someone in a third-world country with food. (Dear God, they'll stomach the worms if it keeps them away from scurvy.)
...farmhouses and country shit, enough said.
...the only good thing about that United Kingdom, besides the Beatles I guess; everything else is puke-worthy. (Who the hell else eats eel pie?)
...America and all the fatty stereotypes that come along with us.
...glamor in carpet form.
...And most importantly, red is elegance. Red is Valentino and all of the marvelous connotations that come with that concept.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Twilight the movie = retarded

Watched Twilight this weekend, and let's be honest, it was awful. It moved way to fast and I was just confused the whole time, and I actually read the book, which is even worse because I watched it at like 3 a.m.; everything is good at 3 a.m.! Here are some of the major problems I had with this stupid movie:
  1. There was simply too much plot crammed into such a short time span for it to have the same effect as the book. Edward hated Bell when he smelled her in biology, and then like a second later he was saying that he didn't think they should be friends anymore--I didn't know that they were. This made the movie move way too fast and it was the most confusing thing of my life, so I really just hated it.
  2. Bella had the most bland personality of my life and her voice was super boring, which made the narration so awful that I could barely stand it. Every time she started to talk, it sort of began to lull me to sleep, because everything she said came out in this stupid monotone voice.
  3. If Edward Cullen is supposed to be the most beautiful man of my life, it's all down here from here. Let's be honest, he wasn't that hod. I can totally make some valid suggestions for people that would have been 100 times better than this clown.
  4. The special effects were troubling; I felt like I was in a 1970s horror film instead of a 2008 drama. This just upset me because they felt the need to put too many effects throughout the movie.

Overall, I guess that this is just one of the things where the movie is never better than the book, and with a book that requires the reader to create so much of their own imagery, it was really a bad idea to put it into such a concrete visual form. I think that girls across the nation, really around the world, visualized the perfection of Edward Cullen in their own terms, and then it was a problem when the media decided to tell them what perfection was. Oh well, though, I guess there's nothing to do...because undoubtedly, I will see the next 18 or whatever movies anyway.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Butter

I was listening to NPR one day and they had the lady on that was the poet lauriet for the Obama innaguration, Elizabeth Alexander. Although you would think that she would be some sort of fabulous intellectual soul, she read one of her poems which simply made me smile, not cower in feelings of stupidity. It was titled 'Butter' and here, I thought I would share it:

Butter
My mother loves butter more than I do,
more than anyone. She pulls chunks off
the stick and eats it plain, explaining
cream spun around into butter! Growing up
we ate turkey cutlets sauteed in lemon and butter,
butter and cheese on green noodles,
butter melting in small pools in the hearts
of Yorkshire puddings, butter better
than gravy staining white rice yellow,
butter glazing corn in slipping squares,
butter the lava in white volcanoes
of hominy grits, butter softening
in a white bowl to be creamed with white
sugar, butter disappearing into whipped sweet
potatoes, with pineapple,
butter melted and curdy to pour over
pancakes, butter licked
off the plate with warm Alaga syrup. When I picture
the good old days I am grinning greasy
with my brother, having watched the tiger chase his tail
and turn into butter. We are Mumbo and Jumbo's children despite
historical revision, despite our parents'
efforts, glowing from the indside out, one
hundred megawatts of butter.


I don't know why I like this poem so much, probably because I am incredibly immature and it made me smile, but that's okay. I like the fact that such a high-brow poet could write something so simple; even though she's composing for Obama, she still thinks about weird things like butter.

I honestly think that the butter poem is the funniest thing of my life, probably not though because my life is a little more interesting than that. I really did like hearing this lady read it on the radio though, because it just made me laugh.

Things I like

I like candy and cookies and cotton candy and puppies and kittens and the color green and tie-dye T-shirts and shopping and driving and my little blue car that I just cleaned out and rainbows and laughing and listening to funny stories and telling funny stories and writing ridiculous blog posts, composed of 400-word sentences and Michael Phelps because he is going to be my husband (never mind his little altercation with the law)...and making fun of the ridiculous drug counterculture and hearing trippy music and asking my parents what they were like when they were kids and Charles Gibson's World News Tonight...and funny-looking people and pretending that I am going to become an estatition and finding kids at school that look like Winnie the Pooh characters...and when my mom says many of the ridiculous things that come out of her mouth (like the time she eluded to the fact that one of my friends was bi-polar or the time that she told me that she thought schools should teach sexual education based off of fear) and I like the fact that I am probably about to be fired at work for something I wrote in the school newspaper and insisting on being called Princess Emma in Torch and the fact that I got the lowest NCAA bracket score (16 out of a possible 150) during the last tournament because I picked the teams with the funniest names (I had Gonzaga, who only made it to the sweet 16 winning the whole thing) and I like pretending that it was my sole faith in Gonzaga that got them to the last 16...and I like watching old movies because it makes me laugh to see weirdo hippies and I love it when strangers come up to me and say that I look like Audrey Hepburn (which has happened twice in the past three months)...and I like hanging around this kid named Michael because he tells me that I'm going to Hell every day and then I make fun of his belief in God...and I like talking to my parents, even when I know that they're not listening and telling them horrible things that I am 100 percent sure they won't remember and I like lying about my whereabouts at every time and I like when I get caught doing stupid things because it genuinely makes me laugh and there are rarely consequences and I like never talking about work again because if I do I am probably going to get fired and I like finishing blog posts at almost exactly 400 words, ok done!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

If girls were boogers...

If there is one thing in life that makes me smile, it is a great pick up line...they are the sole reason that Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday of the year! So, in the spirit of a two month-ish belated celebration, I thought I would share some fabulous, yet school-appropriate ones that dem boys can use any time:
  • My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

  • If you were a wedgie, I'd pick you!

  • Hi, my name is [name], but you can call me lover.

  • Can you catch? because I think I'm falling in love with you.

  • Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?

  • Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

  • Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

  • Is your father a boxer? Cause you're a knockout.

  • Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!

  • You're so sweet, you'd put Hershey's out of business.

  • I must be a Snowflake, becuase I've fallen for you.

  • Did they just take you out of the oven? [No, why?] Because you're hot!

  • Don't be so picky... I wasn't!

  • I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

  • Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.

  • You don't need car keys to drive me crazy.

  • I wish I were sine squared and you were cosine squared, because together we could be one.

  • Do you have a mirror in your pocket? [No, why?] 'Cause I can see me in your pants.

  • If a star fell from the sky every time I thought about you, then tonight the sky would be empty.

  • You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.

  • If you were cocaine, I would overdose!

  • Is your dad a baker? [No. Why?] Cause you have some nice buns.

  • Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?

  • You dropped something. [What?] My jaw.

  • Do you have a band-aid? [Why?] I hurt my knee when I fell for you.

  • Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you.

  • Hi, who's your friend?

  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

  • Can I borrow your library card? [Why?] Cause I'm checking you out.

  • Are those astronaut pants? Cause that ass is out of this world!

  • Are you sure that you're not a microwave oven? Because, you sure make my heart melt!

  • Your feet must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.

  • Are you from Tennessee? [No, why?] Because you're the only 10 I see!

  • I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

  • Got any raisins? [No.] Then how about a date?

  • Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Guadalupe?

  • You must be Jamaican, cause you Jamaican me crazy.

  • Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

  • I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

  • You spend so much time in my dreams I should charge rent!

  • Is your name Gillette? Cause you look like the best a man can get.

Yes, they are all classics, and there are many more where those came from. Me, I'm still partial to the classic 'girl I like your face' because it makes me laugh more than you will ever know, but those other ones are good too, especially the one about diarreah.

Republicans are tite, aka draft 2 of my research paper

All republics, all empires, all civilizations eventually die. In the twentieth century alone, the Austro-Hungarian, German, Russian and Ottoman empires all perished in the Great War; the British empire vanished within a quarter century of its “finest hour”; and a Soviet empire succumbed to a collapse of faith following the Cold War. Yet throughout everything, the American empire has endured (Buchanan 2-3).
Now, however, as conservatives have licked their wounds from President Obama’s victory, Republicans threaten to shatter the American empire as well:

The [Republican-backed] invasion of Iraq and the war to impose democracy upon that Arab and Islamic nation that has never known democracy may yet prove a textbook example of the imperial overstretch that brought down so many empires of the past. (Buchanan 3)
The iconic heartlands of right-wing America, home to images, piped in through Charles Osgood’s CBS Sunday Morning each week, of bright church steeples, square dances and stock car races, it seems, have all turned against liberal America.
How is it, the left wonders, that the conservative working class can so plainly vote against their own interests time and time again?
Joe Bageant, author of the enlightened commentary on the demise of the conservative sector, Deer Hunting with Jesus: Dispatches from America’s Class War, principally blames, what he calls, the American hologram. This Matrix-like construct of media-protected corporate misdirection, wherein average Joes become trapped in a rigged economy that views them as nothing more than ashtray-scented hillbillies who deserve to live in disintegrating double-wide trailers, is the root of all evil.

Anyone who thinks that these white conservatives, both working class and small business class, don’t care about anything outside their own zone of ignorance is only half right. The fact is that many of them cannot see outside that zone at all. They are too uneducated, too conditioned to the idea that being a consumer is the same thing as being a citizen. (Bageant 252)
It was not always like this though; in fact, Republicans have been the favored, most forward-thinking party for the majority of American history. They burst into popular politics in 1856 as a third party with presidential candidate John C. Fremont under the platform “Free soil, free labor, free speech, free men, Fremont” (“The Republican Party GOP History” 2).
Although originally defeated, the party’s founding principle, the need to restrict the expansion of human slavery, was unquestionably sound (Gould 484). Four years later, in 1860, Abraham Lincoln became the first Republican so snag the presidency. And ever since, for the majority of their time as a formal party, Republicans have been progressives; [they were responsible for freeing slaves through the Thirteenth Amendment and securing suffrage for women.]
The rightist reign continued through most of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, under notable names such as Eisenhower, Nixon, Ford, Regan, Bush and Bush. It was during these years that America became a true superpower. (“The Republican Party¾ GOP History” 5). Under conservative rule came an end to the Cold War, the collapse of the Soviet Union, and victory in the Gulf War (Gould, 446). However, the elections of 2000 and 2004 essentially resulted in total demise of the Republican party. The 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush, was the first since Eisenhower to enjoy a majority in both houses of Congress. He was elected based off of his strong belief systems, which were a stark contrast to the views of the amoral Bill Clinton, who’s career was tainted in the scandal dealing with Monica Lewinsky.
It was after the collapse of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, which spurred national fear of organized groups of terror, that President George W. Bush declared it to be U.S. policy to launch preemptive war on any rogue regime that sought weapons of mass destruction. The infamous “Bush Doctrine” was implemented on the neoconservative ideal that the U.S. should go to war to prevent any other nation from acquiring the power to challenge American hegemony in any region of the world. (Buchanan 6) And thus has resulted a widespread disdain for the warped views of the nation’s rightist elites:

Republicans honestly tell the world: “Listen in on my phone calls, piss-test me until I’m blind, kill and eat all of my neighbors right in front of my eyes, but show me the money! Let me escape with every cent I can kick out of the suckers, the taxpayers, and anybody else I can get a headlock on, legally or otherwise.” (Bageant 260)
George W. Bush left his post as President with a 34 percent approval rating, up five percent from his average Gallup poll scores in the last quarter of his presidency. These scores were the third worst in history, just above Harry Truman’s 32 (after botching the Korean War and creating a tax meltdown) percent and Richard Nixon’s 24 percent (following his resignation due to the Watergate scandal). And while his approval rating has improved since Election Day, “the vast majority of Democrats and even most independents still disapprove of how he is handling the job. Only Republicans generally approve of the job Bush is doing,” (“Bush Presidency Closes With 34% Approval, 61% Disapproval” 2).
With all of the political upheaval that resulted from this in the last election, it is said that it will be virtually impossible for the left to ignore the resentment among the people of ‘heartland America’ that is currently simmering and threatens to soon come to a boil. In fact, the realization of the grave consequences of the liberal core, the mantra of hope and change, is clearly motivating Republicans to “take a stand for the sake of the country,” (Adamo 1).
This revolution is no bluff either; Republicans across the nation are calling for their own type of change. America is undoubtedly not the nation it was 50, or even five, years ago, which was an important point, primarily unacknowledged in the last election, and thus the Republican party cannot keep up with the times by sticking to all of the ideals of earlier generations.

In such an arena, truly conservative Republicans are presented with a golden opportunity to reclaim their party form their insipid “establishment” counterparts, and rework it into a vibrant and inspiring political force that can reassert the greatness of America, both in its international relations and in its domestic culture. This possibility is real, but it cannot be pursued by a political class that maintains its strategy of sitting the fence, and responding to every ensuing outrage from the Democrats by countering with watered down versions of the same abhorrent things. (Adamo 8)
Yet, the fate of the Republican party does not ultimately hang in the balance of the moves conservatives take in the coming years, but rather President Obama’s actions, no matter how fiercely rightists will dispute this statement. The new administration has already passed up a chance to assert the Bush Doctrine in North Korea, which may substantially weaken the strength of neoconservative values¾ if it works. Furthermore, the success of Obama’s withdrawal program from the Middle East will either make or break conservative followings. However, the issues of whether the right went wrong under George W. Bush are essentially in the past, although their effects may linger for generations to come. It is time for the Republicans to rise up as a unified party, or forever fade into the foreground.
“Conservative idealism does not exist in a vacuum, of course. It recognizes the reality of prospective danger, and conservatives have long been willing to support large defense budgets, at less disproportionate to other federal spending to reduce the likelihood that America might be attacked,” (Edwards 160).